Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
