you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
