I will die if light touches me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
