is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
