her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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