so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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