Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
