I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
