This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
