I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
