i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
