the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
