One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
