Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
