If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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