My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
