dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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