so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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