I need help removing her.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
