I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
