I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
