No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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