My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
