You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Someone shit on the floor
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
