how can u be prego again
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
