Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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