The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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