This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
