i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
