I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
