I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
