Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
