we have officially lost it.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
