This girl is more easily done than said...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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