I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Even my vagina gasped.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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