I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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