Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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