You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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