Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
