shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
