at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
