another moral hangover. fuck.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
