Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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