So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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