I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
