I got chris browned last night
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
