i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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