kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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