If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
