Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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